my Beloved had turned away and was gone

"I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, “ Open for Me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one; For my head is covered with dew, My locks with the drops of the night.”
I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them?
My beloved put his hand by the latch of the door, and my heart yearned for him.
I arose to open for my beloved, and my hands dripped with myrrh, my fingers with liquid myrrh, on the handles of the lock.
I opened for my beloved, but my beloved had turned away and was gone."
Song of Songs 5:2-6 (NKJV)

(I am only beginning in a study of the Song of Songs, so my understanding and revelation is still small, but this passage has been on my heart all morning).

Literally, God was trying to get me out of bed this morning to come spend time with him. At 4am when he woke me up as He often does, I rolled back over in bed. At 5am when my alarm went off, I actually turned it off. And I knew He wanted me to get up. Talk about not making it to the door in time to let His Majesty in before He turns away. I have a daily morning reminder of the tug of war between what my flesh desires and what my spirit longs for. In this season of my life, God is pursuing me at my door. He is calling to me in my spirit and desiring me to respond quickly and completely, and in doing so, to say no to my natural urges. I am so accustomed to comforting myself with things like food and sleep that when God calls me to find my life source in Him instead, it is like breaking an addictive bond.

The only way is through His grace poured out giving me strength. I need Him. I can't let Him walk away from the door. I've had a taste of His love, and I want to keep wanting Him. I don't want Him to stop knocking, to stop waking me up in the morning. It's hard enough to get up, even when my first thought of the morning is "HE woke me up. " My alarm clock does not give me that thought.

The point is about more than just waking up in the morning and getting out of bed. God wants His people to enter into intimacy and partnership with Him. He longs for us to have a hunger for Him and His ways. So often we are preoccupied with satisfying the desires and needs of our hearts with natural things that we don't have an appetite for Him. It is by His revelation and grace that we are able to be stirred to this hunger. After our appetite and desire for Him have been struck, we need to sustain and even increase it, again with His strength. He has given us the disciplines of fasting, the Word, prayer, and worship for this purpose. He also uses His presence to draw us, and may even "step away from our door" to cause us to miss Him and come pursuing after Him. What a powerful move.

Lord, I want to be awakened. I want to come out of the comfort of my bed and into communion with You. I need Your grace to be poured out on me daily, giving me the desire and the strength to pursue You with my whole heart. Help me get up in the morning. Because I know I will find You at my door if I will get up and open it to You. And I can't do it in my own strength. Don't leave my door God. Please, I want to come and meet with You. My heart wants more of You. I don't want to lose that wanting feeling, that desperation, that urgency that You have stirred up there.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me .
Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit."
Psalm 51:10-12 (NKJV)

Amen.